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Friday, May 25

I often wonder...


what my Chinese daughter is doing right now. Is she sleeping? Happy? Distressed? Being loved and cared for? Wet and unhappy? Laughing? It is such a strange feeling to love, adore and miss someone who you have never met. For I DO love her so much already, although we haven't yet met. She is in my thoughts all day, every day. I wonder when she was born, what she looks like, is she a happy or a melancholy baby? Unlike being pregnant in the physical sense, I have no biological 'link' to this child. I cannot tell if she is being well nourished and cared for - that is beyond my control. And this often leads to a feeling of helplessness, of frustration. WHY isn't she with us now???? So this has been my life for almost two and a half years - constant wondering and daydreaming of my Chinese daughter. I am just so excited that one day, in the not too distant future, we will be answering the phone call that will change our lives. What a day that will be - I am sure you will hear the champagne corks popping from every corner of the globe!!! Until then, I just pray that my beautiful Chinese daughter is safe, happy and loved, and that it won't be too long until I can hold her in my arms forever. I'm coming Alice......

5 comments:

doublehappinessmama said...

Dear Cristina

I wish I could be the "fly on the wall" and see your face when you get the call. My advice is to have "The Call" sheet by the phone as you will not be able to think for yourself. I hope your Alice is safe and loved somewhere in China until you can bring her home to cherish her forever.

Susan
x

Cristina said...

Thanks Susan for your lovely words. The call sheet has been by the phone for quite some time - in fact, I had to change it the other day as the original was looking a little faded and worse for wear!! This journey is certainly made all the easier by sharing it with good friends like you.
Cristina xx

Anonymous said...

Cristina,

It was so wonderful to get a email
from you. My wish for Alice is
Love,Happiness,and Goodfortune
I look forward to seeing your
blog updated with your referral
Just a little longer.

Have a wonderful day!

Sindy
Lid 11/18/05

Wendy said...

You read my mind with your your wonderful words and feelings...

Cristina said...

Thankyou Wendy for your kind words. I find that writing all those jumbled feelings down helps me to process things and, if I am having a bad day, also helps me to feel better. Not too much longer for you to wait now, I hope! I will look forward to visting your blog one day soon and seeing pictures of your little one.
Cristina