A little bit terrified

I think the reality of our adoption is finally starting to sink in a little. After the euphoria of last week, finally knowing that we are NEXT, the scary stuff has now started to surface. WHAT AM I DOING?????!!!!! Arghhhh!! I remember feeling this way shortly before both my DS and DD were born, so I guess it is natural, but boy am I feeling freaked out. Stepping into the unknown world of IA is a really scary thing to be doing, and I find myself wondering if I will have what it takes to parent this little one. She will be grieving, scared, terrified, and feeling very, very vulnerable. I just pray that I will be able to meet her needs and be a good mum to her, as well as continuing to be mum to my other kids. I am also feeling a little worried about how they are going to cope with the 'new addition'. DD, I am pretty sure, will be fine - she has been very excited about and supportive of our decision to adopt, and is thrilled that our time is almost here. DS, on the other hand, has not been quite so thrilled. I think he feels a little threatened about Alice replacing him as the 'baby' of the family (understandable really) and has been quite apathetic at times about the adoption, even going so far as to voice his unhappiness about it on several occasions. What do you say when your DS tells you that 'Our family is big enough just as it is'??

Hopefully this is all just pre-referral jitters, and I will be OK when I need to be. For those of you who know me personally, you will also be aware of my massive phobia of flying, which is also playing on my mind rather frequently. Thirteen + hours in the flying tube of death to China does not thrill me at all.....Must go and see the doctor about some Valium.....