Sleepless in Spreyton (Alternative Title 'Can't Sleep - Clowns Will Eat Me')

Sigh. It's 1.39 am and here I sit at the computer, desperately trolling the rumour sites for even a hint of a rumour. So far - nothing. Not one lousy little peep. I have an overwhelming urge to simultaneously scream, cry and kick something REALLY hard. I spent today (or should that be yesterday??) wading through the mire that is the Immigration paperwork. What a gigantic pain in the butt it is. I woke at 1am, started thinking about all the mistakes I may have made and hence, here I am.

Gertisquidge - thank you for your tag. I read about it, and freaked out when I realised that my middle name has NINE letters, and I couldn't think of anything interesting or witty to say. Sorry for being such a wimp!!!

Will try to get some sleep now, but I fear that it may be all too elusive. I guess this is nature's way of preparing me to parent a young baby again. I remember when I was pregnant with DS and DD that the last week or so of the pregnancies sucked big time - being too big to sleep comfortably, having to get up every five minutes to pee. Perhaps my RRI (referral related insomnia) is the adoption world's equivalent of this...

Now, as to the alternative title to my post, my sister's husband actually has a legitimate phobia of clowns. My sister bought him a T-Shirt with the logo just like the one in the picture, and I thought it was kinda funny. Strange what the brain thinks about in the wee small hours of the morning.. Fingers crossed for some referral rumours VERY soon, or I may very well go mad.

A Rumour, a Rumour!!!

At long last a positive rumour has arrived!! In the November room on the RQ forum, someone has posted that their agency has been told that referrals are sitting in China, all done and just waiting to be signed. This means that they could be arriving in the US as early as late this week, with them touching down in Oz early-mid next week. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I am so happy and sleep deprived I don't know whether to cry or scream with excitement!

So very quiet..

Rumour wasteland again. There is NOTHING out there. I am thinking that referrals will start arriving in the US late this week or early next week, so we should (hopefully) hear our good news by late next week. Tick, tock, tick, tock.....Has someone added an extra few hours into the day?? Sure seems like it. I know I shouldn't be wishing my life away, but HURRY UP REFERRALS!!!!!!

The Day After

Well, the Big Birthday went off with a bang, and His Majesty had a fabulous day. Unfortunately for his parents, the day started at a disgustingly early hour (5 am) and he just kept on going until we told him that we had to go to bed (due to extreme exhaustion) at nine last night. As per usual, the grandparents spoiled him rotten, lots of cards were received in the mail (causing great excitement) and the infamous SpongeBob cake went down a treat. It even tasted OK - that is, if you are partial to cake with fluorescent yellow icing....

So now it's the day after, and I am back to calendar watching again. The latest from RQ is that this month's referrals may well include up to November 29th. As to when the referrals will arrive - I am hopeful that we will start seeing them in the US mid to late next week. Unfortunately it often takes a few more days for them to arrive Down Under, but once they begin showing up in the States, I will be beside myself!! Can anyone say 'Cristina needs Valium'???!!!

Our Last Anniversary!!!!!

Today is Wednesday, August 22nd, and it is now 21 months since our file was logged in at the China Centre for Adoption Affairs. And this will be the LAST of these 'anniversaries' that I will have to celebrate - WHOOOHOOOO!!!!! By the time our next one arrives, we should have Alice's referral in hand, and will be busy booking flights, getting visas and packing suitcases. Today is a very good day!! On a more serious note however, tomorrow is DS's 8th birthday. When asked what kind of cake he wanted this year, her replied 'SpongeBob!!' So today, as well as going to school to watch my gorgeous kids strut their stuff in the book week parade, and attending the soccer break up and medal presentation, I have to create SpongeBob from a sponge cake. I actually had nightmares about it last night. If it turns out OK I promise I will share some pictures - if not, it will never be mentioned again....

This ride is hotting up!!

Latest from Rumour Queen this morning is that the CCAA has matched up to November 25th. WHOOOHOOO!!! If this is true, all my batch will be included, which is VERY exciting. Guess our expectations have been lowered considerably during the course of this roller coaster ride, as I am thrilled at the possibility of a four day batch... But the really cool thing is this - if matching has been done up to the 25th November, our file is sitting on a desk at the CCAA alongside the file of our precious little one. The thought that the match has been made is truly amazing and awe-inspiring. Now roll on the first week of September!

First Rumour for the Month!!

I have just been checking Rumour Queen for the umpteenth time today, and there is finally a rumour concerning the next lot of referrals. She has listed as an R2 that the CCAA has matched up to the 24th November. There is no mention of whether this is the cut off yet, but that it is definitely included. Some of you may be asking yourselves 'Why does this matter? I thought her LID was the 22nd November??' Well, this is true. But another mitigating factor in this whole process is that our batch (Tasmania batch 6) is split in between two LID's. The first seven files (including us) were logged in on November 22nd, but the other two files were sent six days after ours, and were not logged in until November 25th. SO-if the CCAA cuts off at the 24th in September, our brilliant batch buddies, Maree and Tim, and Merian and David, may not make it to China with us. And there is the haunting, nagging worry in the back of my mind that the CCAA may disregard our LID of the 22nd and include us with our batch mates on the 25th. My head space is a VERY ugly place to be right about now................

22 minutes 17 seconds of HELL!!!

Bloody phone companies. I arrange to have my telephone, broadband etc all automatically deducted from my credit card every month, so no bills, no hassles. But this morning I get an email from my provider saying that I owed them $50.92 - for two bills which I had already received receipts for saying that they had been auto deducted!! So I check my bank account - only one of the two amounts making up the $50.92 has been deducted, AND there is another, mysterious charge of $9.95. Then I log onto my Provider's web page, head into my account, and it tells me I owe them $188.25!!! I print out all the evidence, ring their 'hot line' (nothing too hot about it, I can tell you) and wait about 10 minutes in a queue. 'Your call is important to us. Please hold.' Yeah right... Anyway, I finally get to talk to a real person instead of a computer and, not meaning to be racist in ANY way, but she had such a heavy accent that I could barely understand her. Now I had to try and explain my problem of differing amounts, unpaid/paid bills and the rest of the disaster with a lady whom I could not understand. End result - it is a problem with 'the system' and she has to 'reset my auto pay details' and then charges me $79.95. Why this amount?? I have no idea, but by the end of 22 minutes and 17 seconds of bumbling, embarrassing conversation with a woman I could barely understand, I didn't care. ARGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

A little bit terrified

I think the reality of our adoption is finally starting to sink in a little. After the euphoria of last week, finally knowing that we are NEXT, the scary stuff has now started to surface. WHAT AM I DOING?????!!!!! Arghhhh!! I remember feeling this way shortly before both my DS and DD were born, so I guess it is natural, but boy am I feeling freaked out. Stepping into the unknown world of IA is a really scary thing to be doing, and I find myself wondering if I will have what it takes to parent this little one. She will be grieving, scared, terrified, and feeling very, very vulnerable. I just pray that I will be able to meet her needs and be a good mum to her, as well as continuing to be mum to my other kids. I am also feeling a little worried about how they are going to cope with the 'new addition'. DD, I am pretty sure, will be fine - she has been very excited about and supportive of our decision to adopt, and is thrilled that our time is almost here. DS, on the other hand, has not been quite so thrilled. I think he feels a little threatened about Alice replacing him as the 'baby' of the family (understandable really) and has been quite apathetic at times about the adoption, even going so far as to voice his unhappiness about it on several occasions. What do you say when your DS tells you that 'Our family is big enough just as it is'??

Hopefully this is all just pre-referral jitters, and I will be OK when I need to be. For those of you who know me personally, you will also be aware of my massive phobia of flying, which is also playing on my mind rather frequently. Thirteen + hours in the flying tube of death to China does not thrill me at all.....Must go and see the doctor about some Valium.....

Bibs, bibs everywhere and not a Babe in sight.

I have just been into the girl's big shared wardrobe to do a bit of a stock take. Our lovely friends from church last night gave us a surprise box of baby goodies, and I had to find homes for all the beautiful bits and pieces. It was then that I realised exactly how much I have bought over the past two and a half years. Here is the (somewhat frightening) list:
20 bibs;
14 grow-suits (onesies to my Yankie friends!)
24 t-shirts
18 pairs of socks
6 hats (summer and winter)
15 singlets
6 winter coats/jackets
14 pairs of trousers
6 pairs of shorts
6 dresses
3 skirts
several undefinable top/bottoms sets
6 pairs of shoes

So, if we get a boy referral, I will be doing some very speedy boy-shopping, as mostly everything in this massive collection is PINK!!! The clothes range in size from 0-5, and I have bought the vast majority of it at end of season sales, so it's not as bad as it seems. I think my DH may, however, faint if he reads this and sees exactly how much retail therapy I have indulged in during this long and protracted wait.....

Saturday=Golf

It's Saturday morning again, and that can only mean one thing in my house -Golf Day. The alarm goes off at some hideous hour (for a Saturday) and my DH veritably leaps out of bed (compared with the usual weekday 'has to be dragged kicking and screaming' ritual). I hope I don't offend any golf fans out there but WHAT is it all about??? I mean, you walk for miles, sometimes in the rain, chasing a little white ball with a stick and trying to get it into a very small hole. Pointless??? I think so. But my DH is passionate about it. In recent months he has bought new clubs, buggy, bag, balls, appropriate clothing (???) and multitudes of golfing magazines. These, I might add, all look identical to me as they all have exactly the same photo on the front - yup, you guessed it, a guy hitting a golf ball. I am sure that the guy must change from issue to issue, but they are all much of a muchness to me. One further example of how completely obsessive DH is about his golf, his new car is - a VW Golf!!! Truly, truly tragic. Oh well, if it keeps him sane and happy I can't argue too much, but I really do wonder why such a BORING game enthralls so many...

A very unhappy day

Yesterday was pretty sucky folks. It started out pretty well, but my 9.30am had descended into a miasma of sobbing and utter frustration, all because of one little phone call. I had to call 'X' at the adoption services yesterday about our updated police checks. We got to chatting, and I happened to mention how excited we were to finally be NEXT!!! Well, 'X' started going on about large numbers of files, small numbers of baby dossiers etc etc and being a real 'Debbie Downer'. So I say 'But what about the CCAA official web page which says that the cut off last week was the 21st November?' to which 'X' told me not to believe everything that I read!! Huh??? How much more clear does the evidence that we are next have to be?? 'X' then proceeded to inform me that they never bothered to look at the CCAA web page, and that I should not get my hopes up for a referral in the near future. I must admit friends, that I had a big 'ol tantrum then. I hung up the phone, lay on the floor and howled like a baby. This last two and a half years has been stressful, tiring and emotionally draining. I had been holding it all together pretty well until yesterday, but after this phone call the dam wall broke. After emailing my lovely friend Susan (whom I knew would understand) I went into the November room on the RQ forum and vented quite a bit. Those awesome cyber-buddies of mine were so quick to respond, and so very supportive. I particularly liked one comment about 'X' being 'on crack'!! The consensus was (as I have suspected all along) that 'X' does not know what they are talking about. To give 'X' the benefit of the doubt, they have to deal with other countries for IA too, so 'X' probably doesn't have that much time to spend checking up on adoptions from just our country of choice. But the thing that galled me the most was that 'X' told me not to believe the CCAA web page, even though they have never looked at it!! How can you judge the accuracy (or lack thereof) of the CCAA's statement's if you haven't been consistently checking them???!!!
So dear friends, I have decided to take the words of 'X' with a grain of salt and to continue enjoying the very special knowledge that we are indeed next. I will not let "X's ignorance spoil the most wonderful feeling of anticipation that I have!!

PS- sorry about the use of the term 'X' but I live in a VERY small part of the world.......

I wonder....

how long it will be until I get that call??? Assuming that all goes well and no nasty mishaps occur (like those mentioned in my previous post) referrals should be arriving again at the very beginning of September. Today is August 6th - I reckon that means I will have about 30-35 more days of not knowing what my daughter (or son!) looks like. That is such a short period of time when you consider the 600+ days we have already waited. If you count the time spent prior to our file going to China, with interviews, home studies, workshops and the like, it is closer to 950 days waiting for this new little person to come into our lives. Thirty five days seems like a mere drop in the ocean in comparison!!

Today I bought the first few things for the care package which I intend to send to China as soon as our referral comes. I have bought two gorgeous soft toy rattles (which are in the shape of rather plump and colourful cows!), and a baby blanket. One of the toys will go in the care package, and we will keep the other. When we are meeting Alice, hopefully she will have her toy, and we will have it's 'twin', to help her to recognize that we belong together. I will also purchase a disposable camera for the care package, in the hope that it will be used in the period between allocation and 'gotcha day' to take photos of our precious little one. I am also going to put together a photo album of our family, home, pets and the like which will be labelled in Chinese, so that Alice's carer can explain to her who everyone is. I will probably include some lollies for the caregivers too, as I understand that these are pretty popular!!

So in some small ways I am preparing for this journey of a lifetime. I don't think anyhting I do in the next few months will completely prepare me for this life-changing experience we are about to undergo, but I don't care. BRING IT ON!!!!!

Lots and Lots of Yummy Baby Goodness!!

Mmmm, I have just been drooling over all the delicious baby photos on the RQ site - babies which were referred to their exceptionally lucky parents just last week. I am still having trouble believing that we are next. Of course, being the glass is half empty sorta gal that I am, I have pretty much convinced myself that something will go wrong and we will miss out again. That our file has gotten lost, that there has been a mix up with our log in date, that SOMETHING BAD might happen. I really need to relax a bit I think... Anyway, I get a great amount of vicarious pleasure from looking at these gorgeous babes, and dreaming of when it will be out turn. Roll on September!!

WE ARE NEXT!!!!!!!!!!

Happy dance time!!! Even though we missed the cut off this month by one lousy day, I don't care 'cos WE ARE ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NEXT!!!!! WHHHHOOOOHHHOOOOOOO!!!! I can hardly believe that in a month's time I will be seeing my baby's face for the very first time. God is good!!

Going Slightly Insane...

Well, we have gone from the Rumour Wasteland of a few days ago to a Rumour Glut. Tidbits of information about the next group of referrals are buzzing around cyberspace, with no-one knowing for sure exactly WHAT is going to happen. Some European agencies are saying that referrals have been mailed and cover up until the 21st November (the day before us) whilst some US agencies are vehemently stating that referrals have NOT been sent yet. And there is one other juicy little rumour out there - that November 22nd will be included in this batch of referrals. I swear Loyal Readers, if that happens I may well have a complete break from reality...

Now as to these boys names - thank you to all who voted! It seems as if Oliver and Samuel are the most popular choices. Only problem with Samuel is that it is the name of my crazy (not in a good way) brother-in-law, so I think my DH would veto that pretty quick smart. Personally, I like Thomas, but I simply can't understand why no-one voted for Homer....(only joking!! It is a GROSS name, but a 'family name' on DH's side - eeooww!!)