Some photos from yesterday,

Yes, these are from yesterday (the 14th) even though they say the 13th. Once my camera finally decided to work again, it had lost a day somehow. Go figure....BTW, the group photo was from a couple of weeks ago, but it is the first pic we have had of Alice with all her (girl) cousins. Sasha and Mia live in Melbourne and we don't see them very often, so it was nice to finally get them all together. In the picture there is (L-R) Sasha, Katie, Mia, my big DD and Alice.

18 months old!!

Today my sweet little Alice Xiao Ying turns 18 months old. I can hardly believe that time has passed so quickly. It seems like such a short time ago that she was a tiny, waif-like little 9 month old, scared out of her wits at the hand that life had dealt her. Who could blame her??? She had been taken from the only family she had ever known, and given to these strange-looking foreigners, who smelled weird, looked even weirder and sounded like nothing she had EVER heard before. The nine months which have passed since then have been truly amazing - difficult at times, yet still incredible. I have watched this sad, withdrawn and attachment-disordered little baby become a more secure, happy, confident and bubbly little person. She laughs so much, loves to be tickled, runs to me for hugs, and kisses me goodnight. She loves her big sis and big brother so very much, and watching the three of them play together is pure joy. So happy 18 months Alice Xiao Ying - you have blessed me more than I could ever have imagined....

Saturday night again already

Wow the week sure does fly. I can hardly believe how long it has been since I last posted!! Things have definitely improved with Alice since I last wrote, although we are nowhere near what I would call 'healed' (if attachment disordered children can, in fact, BE healed). It is amazing how quickly she now responds to an increase in the holding time sessions we have. Last night saw another first - a holding time session with Daddy. Boy was she unhappy about it at first!! Fortunately she didn't take too long to figure out that it was OK for Dad to hold her, and he is a pretty cool singer as well, so the screaming wasn't too hideous. She raged with me again today too, but it was pretty half-hearted compared to some of the rages I have experienced. It is now more about control I think than fear of intimacy. If she wants to get down, she expects me to comply. Unfortunately for Alice, I am rather a stubborn and bloody-minded person, so it is a real battle of wills at times. I think that she will eventually come to realise that she isn't the one in charge and she has to comply with my wishes for the time being. We are seeing the attachment therapist again on July 21st or 22nd, and I am sure she will notice some HUGE differences in Alice. As for the rest of the week - we were in Launceston Monday for DS's appointment with the allergy specialist, Simmons Plains on Wednesday for the state Cross-Country championships (DD got 42nd out of a field of 169) and the rest of the week passed in a blur of kung fu lessons, holding time and just being full time at home Mum. Will try and post some more pics when I work out why my camera has decided to freeze and not do anything that I want it too!! Bye for now xxx

More Therapy required...

Alice's progress with regard to attachment and bonding has taken a few steps backwards the last fortnight or so. We have been very busy, routines have been altered and I am finding that this all impacts upon her behaviour and attachment. She became quite disregulated by Sunday, so I have had to ramp up the holding therapy, and throw in a bit more sling time just for good measure. So far so good - she has responded well to the increase in therapy and her behaviour is coming back to within the realms of normal. So what do I mean by disregulated?? Tantrums, lack of eye contact, raging when held, etc Basically reverting to the behaviours which had alerted me to the fact that she had an attachment disorder in the first place. The more I parent Alice, the more I realise that attachment and attachment-related issues will probably be a constant thing in our lives. Whilst she responds well to the therapy, it doesn't take much to set her off (in a bad way) and the good work comes undone. Do I think that she will ever be 'cured'?? I honestly don't know. What I do know is that she is much healthier than she was a few months ago, and I pray that she continues, over time, to improve. Whatever the case may be, she is my daughter, and I love her to bits. Every smile and hug is worth the effort!!!

Having a FAT day

I guess we all have these every now and again. I suspect that it may have something to do with the entire 250 g block of Cadbury Rocky Road chocolate that I ate for lunch yesterday (no, unfortunately I am not joking). But to give you a bit of perspective on what a FAT day in Cristina-land involves, you need a bit of history (navigate to another page if you do not wish to be bored with gratuitous personal details). I have, for many years, had a love/ hate relationship with food. I LOVE to eat, am a complete chocoholic (see above evidence for this) and enjoy my food a lot. But I also have very poor body image, and have battled with the psychycology of food and eating for most of my adult life. I spent a few years in my early 20's in the grips of anorexia, getting down to my all-time low of 43 KG (about 94 pounds). Back then I existed on a diet of nothing more than an apple and two pieces of toast per day, plenty of cigarettes and LOTS of exercise. Since then my weight has fluctuated up and down, dependent mainly upon my life circumstances and what is happening in my head. I hit my all time high when pregnant with DS - stopped counting at 83 kg as it was far too depressing.... I am currently hovering around the 60 kg mark (132 pounds) and am not happy. I feel the need to be about 5 kg lighter, but am torn as to how to achieve it. I have to be careful that I don't fall back into old (bad) habits, yet I use food as a comfort and response to stress. Ahh, it almost makes me wish I still smoked..... Anyway, there is not much point to this blog post other than to vent a bit, put in writing how blobby and out of shape I feel, and to have a bit of a whinge. I really need to get back into some regular exercise, as this has pretty much ground to a halt with the arrival of winter and the sweet Miss A. Motivation levels are incredibly low, so perhaps I should go and stand naked in the mirror and get that push I need to head on out to the garage and get on the treadmill!!

Alice in Action!

My New Best Friend.

Well, here she is. Isn't she gorgeous???!!! For the past year and a half, my kitchen has had the misfortune of having a 'decorative dishwasher' installed. Decorative because the only purpose it served was filling in a rather ugly gap under the bench top. When we moved in here five years ago, the new owners had just bought this you-beaut new stainless steel dishwasher. Yay!! I thought, having never lived in a house with a dishwasher before. Little did I know that this was the dishwasher from hell. It broke down so many times that after the sixth attempt at repair, I just gave up. So, 18 long months later, I finally have my new buddy. I installed it myself (big round of applause thanks!) and it is currently purring it's way through a huge load of dishes. Mmm, my soul is now deeply satisfied at the thought of no more hand washing of dishes....
As to the divine Miss A, she is doing famously. She is right in the middle of a language explosion at the moment, and is adding new words to her vocabulary every day. She has now surpassed 140 words (Big Sis is keeping count) and never fails to amaze me with her skill at saying new words. Will post some new pics after I download them from the camera.

Big Girl Hair Cut

This week I took both my big girls (well, one slightly less big than the other!) out to the salon for a bit of a hair cut. This was Alice's first 'proper' hair cut in the almost eight months that she has been with us. I have been regularly hacking at her fringe to keep it out of her eyes, but this time the hairdresser cut the back as well so she has this sweet little bob happening. Tried to get some nice pics but in true Alice fashion she refused to smile. At least her Big Sis co-operated! Not too much else to report, aside from one bad night when we experienced our first night terror with Alice. As mentioned before, we have been frantically busy this school holidays, and several times Alice has missed her daytime nap, only getting to grab a quick snooze in the car. This, I think, led to a pretty severe sleep deficit which in tum led to the horrible night terror. She woke up screaming inconsolably on Tuesday at about 9pm. I raced in to see what was wrong and she was sitting up in bed, shaking and crying. I scooped her up but she fought against me. She was still screaming, and yet not awake. I realised what was happening, and just held and rocked her until she calmed, which took about ten minutes. It was heartbreaking to see her so very upset, but being unable to make things better. After she settled I read up on night terrors in some of my adoption books, and apparently they are quite common, and I should really have left her in the cot to cry it out. Apparently they have no memory of the terror, and waking them can do more harm than good. But aside from this, Alice has been just fine and an absolute delight. She is such a happy little person, and is developing a really cheeky personality. Stubborn at times too, but that's OK - she takes after her Mum!!

School Holiday Buzz

Wow - a week of school holidays has passsed already and I have been mega-busy. Playdates, catching up with friends, doing 'kid stuff' etc has kept us pretty flat out. Here are a couple of pics from Thursday, when four of our batch mates got together and the girls enjoyed each other's company. Will post more when kids are back at school!!

Latest Pics

Finally blew the dust off the camera this evening and took some pics of my gorgeous girl. Although she is in dire need of a haircut, I still think she is gorgeous!! I have just done a brief count of her current vocabulary and it is well over forty words right now. She has become a real little mimic and is trying out new words every day. In the pic she is with one of her favourite toys, Eeyore. She says 'Eeyore' beautifully, and loves to give him big cuddles. So much cuteness, can barely stand it!!!