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Friday, June 27

Having a FAT day

I guess we all have these every now and again. I suspect that it may have something to do with the entire 250 g block of Cadbury Rocky Road chocolate that I ate for lunch yesterday (no, unfortunately I am not joking). But to give you a bit of perspective on what a FAT day in Cristina-land involves, you need a bit of history (navigate to another page if you do not wish to be bored with gratuitous personal details). I have, for many years, had a love/ hate relationship with food. I LOVE to eat, am a complete chocoholic (see above evidence for this) and enjoy my food a lot. But I also have very poor body image, and have battled with the psychycology of food and eating for most of my adult life. I spent a few years in my early 20's in the grips of anorexia, getting down to my all-time low of 43 KG (about 94 pounds). Back then I existed on a diet of nothing more than an apple and two pieces of toast per day, plenty of cigarettes and LOTS of exercise. Since then my weight has fluctuated up and down, dependent mainly upon my life circumstances and what is happening in my head. I hit my all time high when pregnant with DS - stopped counting at 83 kg as it was far too depressing.... I am currently hovering around the 60 kg mark (132 pounds) and am not happy. I feel the need to be about 5 kg lighter, but am torn as to how to achieve it. I have to be careful that I don't fall back into old (bad) habits, yet I use food as a comfort and response to stress. Ahh, it almost makes me wish I still smoked..... Anyway, there is not much point to this blog post other than to vent a bit, put in writing how blobby and out of shape I feel, and to have a bit of a whinge. I really need to get back into some regular exercise, as this has pretty much ground to a halt with the arrival of winter and the sweet Miss A. Motivation levels are incredibly low, so perhaps I should go and stand naked in the mirror and get that push I need to head on out to the garage and get on the treadmill!!

1 comment:

OziMum said...

I am a very strong believer in, "you need to be happy with you". People all "poo-poo"d my Mum when she lost stacks of weight, and was a thin size 10, but she's not tall, so i think she looked good. Typical tall poppy syndrome.

I'm about 5'7 and am the heaviest I've ever been, at 67kgs. When I split with hubs, I didn't eat, and was 43kgs. Gross. I didn't know I was that skinny tho... had other things on my mind. Anyway, what I'm getting at...I wouldn't mind being a bit lighter, but I'm happy. If I want to eat a tim tam. I do. I have really bad days. But then I have days when I'm too busy to eat. I figure it all works out in the wash.

Sorry for dribbling on! You're a gorgeous busy mum - enjoy a piece of chocolate!