I have devised a sign that I think I will begin to carry with me at all times when out in public. Do you like it??? I had to go to town today to the local Medicare office to get Alice signed up for health benefits. This agonising procedure took almost an hour (adoption does tend to complicate things somewhat) but Alice was an angel and behaved beautifully. Anyway, during my time in the office, two people I know from church came in and TOUCHED MY BABY!! One even kissed her!!! I was wearing her in the Ergo, close to my chest, and still they did it. ARGHHH!!!!!!! Alice simply did the turtle thing and hid herself away in the baby carrier, but I was horrified, and angry too. I know that people are excited to finally meet her, but people should not take this as an excuse to freak out a child who is still learning about Mum and Dad, let alone strangers! And now here is a question to ponder (put to me by my dear friend Susan yesterday) Would people still want to rant and rave if Alice were an ugly baby????...... Anyone who wants a sign, let me know!!
8 comments:
How sad that you feel so angry, that will affect your daughter too, people mean well and simply believe they are being kind caring and friendly. If it upsets and angers you how about calmly and quietly asking people to not admire and touch (what is the big deal about lovely touch and a well meaning kiss I wonder)? You must know that a baby who is different in looks from the usual will attract nice attention. I do not know how you will avoid that attention, that will be a part of your Chinese daughters life in Australia. Look within yourself about those over the top reactions, ask for some counselling, and seek a baby sitter if you can not cope with leaving home and getting lovely attention. Do not mean to sound harsh, you are so very lucky to have everything you have, and people are not mind readers. Chill out and enjoy, could be a reaction to all you have recently been through?
Counselling? Baby sitter? Lovely attention? I'm sorry, but when complete strangers (and people I know) come up and touch my child without my permission, I WILL be angry. It is painfully obvious that my child does NOT enjoy this kind of attention, and I am doing what all good parents would do in that situation - protecting my child. I have NEVER shown this anger in front of my child. That's what blogs are for - venting, reliving experiences, being a bit 'over the top'. You do not know me personally, and those who do know that I would NEVER let my daughter feel or sense my anger or frustration at people's intrusive questions or inappropriate touching. If you don't respect my opinions (you in no way have to share them - we are all individuals) then please do not visit again.
PS- so what SHOULD I say the next time someone asks how much she cost????
No you are right Cristina I do not know you and made an error of judgement coloured by the fact that I myself have lost my own children prior to birth, and realise now that I am still very traumatised by those tragedies, which don't go away. And would like to be in your situation of having a darling baby that is obviously so adored, which is not to be for us. I have offended you and feel badly and offer my apology and will respect your wish in that I do not visit your blog site again, but I did not want to leave on a bad note.
Do people really ask how much she cost, I did not think children were bought as such, although there would be financial expenses associated with the adoption I would think, again if I am out of line, sorry. I will miss your site, but this has shown me how painful my own feelings are on the loss of my babies.
Good luck with everything - K
K- I am so very sorry for your losses. I can not even imagine how painful it would be to lose a child. I hope I did not upset you with my response, but I just wanted to make it clear that my reactions are based purely upon the needs of my child. It is very common for children adopted from O/S to become traumatised by over-stimulation, and the behaviours I described in my blog post were just that. And yes, I have had several people ask how much she 'cost' me.
I think one thing we all forget about the virtual world of email and blogs is that it can be difficult to detect nuances and 'hidden' meanings in conversations that would otherwise be apparent in a normal 'face to face' conversation. Please do not leave unless you really feel you must. I am just a mum doing what she thiks is best for her little one, and I am so very sorry that you have not had the ability to do the same.
Peace, Cristina
Hey Tassie! I am with you, but luckily no one has tried to kiss Nadia that wasn't a family member. Strangers constantly want to grab her and pick her up, but she is too shy for that even if I would let them! When the cashiers at the store reach for her, I don't know what they are thinking? Like I am really going to hand her across the counter. LOL.
My standard response to the HOW MUCH question is "Less than a new car and people buy those every day without a second thought." That shuts most people up. Hee hee. But it's true.
Hugs from Texas! Louanne
Hi Cristina
Hugs. I don't think people realise about the difficulty of all the unwanted attention until they have experienced it. Just keep doing what you know you have to do. 3 years down the track, it still amazes me. As to the cost, I just say, I don't know what the adoption cost, it's irrelevant (and private).
Susan
xx
lively comments here!!!! shows we are all very much individuals and the lady who lost babies how heartbreaking
I find people are drawn to any baby and it is a nice warm fuzzy feeling to interact with a baby a sort of hope for the future among all the hard things life puts in our way
may I extend peace joy happiness to all the writers here and hope we find what we each want and need and care for each other along the way may all the babies put smiles on all our faces
thankyou
I was going to say I think you should have that sign put on a tshirt at CafePress! I think its great! Maybe it could say "Attachment Bonding in Progress" or something... Bottom line is a mother knows whats best for her child and you are doing great.
Post a Comment